So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
