is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
