Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
