Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
