i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
