census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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