i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize