it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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