Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
