oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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