I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize