While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize