you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
