remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
