I accidentally had phone sex last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
honey bunches of taint.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
