Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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