If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
