Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Less talking, more tequila
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
