Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
