I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This baby is an asshole
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
