I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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