If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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