new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize