just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
