yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
