sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
