Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
