We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
