I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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