your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
