Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Found the puke drawer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
