$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
