i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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