I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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