Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
