All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
