Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
