You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
