my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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