i think my tv is drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
