Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize