it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
