I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
