Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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