I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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