duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
