You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
