i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
