Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best revenge is premature balding
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
