she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
