Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
