WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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