At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize