As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
