Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
