so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
