time to smoke my breakfast
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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