Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
