If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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