I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
