your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize