So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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