he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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