Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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