It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
