I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
