If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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