id be glad to
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
