My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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