We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
