Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
