all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
