dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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