dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
