Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
