Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
