Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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