No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
