your thong is hanging out like whoa
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize