Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
