remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize