i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
