We're like a lot better than the average bears
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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