i was born a porn star she said
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
