you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
