HIV tests are more positive than that guy
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can text with my tongue
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
