He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
