I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize