Your dad touched me again.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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