he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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